🎁🎵 MONSTRAMOR – Ein psychologisches Winteroratorium – Die Reise zum inneren Kind

Mathias Küfner

Monstramor – Lyrics

01 – Reverb of the Winter Vale

Overture – Instrumental

02 – Ashes in the Stillness

Days collapse into the same,
Different faces, still one name,
Every circle draws me in,
Every failure feels like skin.

Cellos barely breathe at all,
Like a sigh before a fall,
Heavy, hollow, worn and thin,
Dragging through the dust within.

I have walked this path before,
Always ending where I swore.

I retrace the same old scars,
Stumble back to where they are,
Nothing moves and nothing bends,
Every journey turns and ends.

Hope is just a fading sound,
Lost beneath the frozen ground,
Wishes flicker, then they die,
Silent as a starless sky.

Every choice becomes a chain,
Every breath repeats the pain,
Every feeling drags me low—
Grey becoming all I know.

Let the hours turn to stone,
Let the heart remain alone,
Nothing left to win or keep,
Only weight that makes me sleep.

No direction, no release,
No beginning, no surcease.

I dissolve into the dust,
Buried under what I trust,
Grey on grey, I disappear—
No more future, only fear.

All is stillness, all is ash,
Waiting for the next collapse.

03 – The Iron Mask Within

I steel my breath against the void,
Every feeling unemployed,
Heart a furnace locked in frost,
Counting every battle lost.

Cellos strike like breaking bone,
Hard and jagged, overthrown,
Hammered rhythms, panic loud,
Tearing through the inner shroud.

Keep them out, keep them back,
Mmm—mmm—
Love is danger, heart is crack.

I become the beast I fear,
Snarling at the ones who’re near,
Nothing gentle left to give,
Better not to feel, than live.

I predict the worst ahead,
Catastrophes inside my head,
Always two steps from the blow,
Always bracing for the woe.

Don’t get close, don’t you dare,
I’m the storm you cannot bear.

I spit venom at my name,
Choke myself with guilt and shame,
Call me worthless, call me weak,
Curse the softness that I seek.

No one’s hand should touch my skin,
I can’t risk what lies within,
If they saw the rot I hide,
They would run and I would die.

I deny that I deserve,
Any kindness, any nerve,
Love’s illusion, fragile lie,
I reject it just to try—

Cut the ties before they start,
Guard the ruins of my heart.

I am iron, jagged, wild,
Fear has murdered all that’s mild,
Hate myself with every breath,
Choose the armor over death.

But the rage becomes too vast,
Breaks the mask I forged to last—
And the cracks begin to glow,
Something trembling down below…

The monster hears me bleed — and knows.

04 – The Silence That Remains

Everyone has walked away,
Every vow has turned to clay,
Hands I trusted slipped from mine,
Leaving nothing to define.
Cellos whisper like retreat,
Fragile footsteps in defeat,
Empty space on either side,
Nowhere left for me to hide.

Promises dissolve in air,
Nothing left of anywhere.

All the futures I believed,
Crumbled, scattered, unretrieved,
Every plan I tried to keep
Fell apart and sank too deep.
All the dreams ran through my hands,
Fading like forgotten lands,
Those who knew me turned away,
Nothing asked for me to stay.

Every bond I ever held
Softly broke, then disappeared,
Every heartbeat that I heard
Echoed back in hollow word.

No more paths, no guiding call,
Just the quiet of the fall,
Only silence, cold and vast,
Wrapping me in what won’t last.

I am nowhere, I am none,
All connections come undone.

But then somewhere in the gloom,
Past the grief and past the doom,
Something trembles through the wall,
Faint, unsettling, ancient call.
A hidden door I never knew,
Locked away from any view,
From behind it—dark and deep—
Comes a long forgotten weep.

It’s a monster I once chained,
Lonely, broken, uncontained,
Calling in a trembling breath,
Begging for my fear or death.

As the shadows pull me near,
I must choose to face my fear.

If I open that unknown door…
must I walk into the dungeon’s core?

05 – Descending the Frozen Vault

Through the doorway of my grief,
Down the stairs with no relief,
Every step a distant toll,
Grinding deeper through my soul.

Cellos moan like iron chains,
Dragging through forgotten pains,
Dust of years beneath my feet,
Echoes I don’t dare to meet.

Mmm—mmm—
Something calls from far below,
Mmm—mmm—
Cold as secrets I don’t show.

I descend where nightmares sleep,
Past the wounds I failed to keep,
Past the names I learned to hide,
Past the love I pushed aside.

Walls are wet with old regret,
Frozen truths I can’t forget,
Whispers scratch the narrow hall,
Every shadow stands too tall.

In the blackness, farther still,
Where no warmth can cross my will,
Where the thoughts I cast away
Circle like a beast at bay.

There’s a heartbeat under stone,
Not my own, yet not unknown,
Something watches, patient, blind,
Waiting for my breaking mind.

Downward into fear’s embrace,
Past all hope and past all grace.

Here the cold becomes my name,
Here the shame becomes my flame,
Here I stand before the keep
Where the monster waits to weep.

Mmm—mmm—
No escape, no turning back,
Mmm—mmm—
Only depth and endless black.

06 – In the Monster’s Keep

In the cellar of my mind,
Where the shadows breathe and bind,
Lives a creature built from fear,
Born from tears I couldn’t hear.

Cellos tremble like a sigh,
Wooden echoes passing by,
Every heartbeat, sharp as stone,
Every footstep not my own.

I have run so many years,
Hardened by unspoken fears.

I became a walking frost,
Trying not to feel the cost,
Locked myself in armor tight,
Hoping pain stayed out of sight.

Yet the monster waited still,
Guarding all I couldn’t feel,
In its chamber cold and deep,
Where my softest truths would sleep.

When I touched its trembling hand,
Something shifted in the sand,
Not a beast, but broken parts
Of my early, tender heart.

I embraced the thing I feared,
Held the face I once revered,
Found a child beneath its roar,
Hiding what I longed for more.

In the darkness, there I found,
Love that waited underground.

There, inside a rusted chest,
Wrapped in dust, my quiet rest,
Soft identity and grace,
Tears that warmed my frozen face.

Not a prison, not a grave,
But the place I learned to brave—
Every shadow, every cry,
Every truth I let deny.

Through the fear, I found my flame,
Held the monster, spoke my name.
In its arms I came alive,
Where the buried hopes survive.

07 – Where the Light Learns My Name

In the silence after fear,
When the dark has drawn me near,
Something stirs beneath the pain,
Soft as long-forgotten rain.

Cellos breathe like distant dawn,
Low and gentle, barely drawn,
Warming stone and fractured bone,
Turning cold to trembling tone.

From the shadows, through the ache,
Comes a truth I didn’t make.

I expected claws and fire,
Expected judgment, weighed entire,
But the creature in the keep
Only wanted me to weep.

It was waiting for my hand,
For the courage just to stand,
Not to fight, but understand
Why I built this shadowland.

When I touched its trembling skin,
All the walls fell from within,
Fear unwrapped a softer sight—
A reflection dressed in night.

There I saw the child I lost,
Buried under years of frost,
Curled in quiet, breathing slow,
Waiting for my heart to grow.

Every monster hides a plea,
“Will you come and rescue me?”

So I lifted up the child,
Weathered, wilted, undefiled,
Held them close against my chest,
Let their softness be my rest.

All the fear began to fade,
All the pain I had obeyed,
Melted in a single flame—
Where the light first learned my name.

From the keep, I rise reborn,
Carrying my inner dawn.
Through the dark I came to see
All the love inside of me.

08 – The Child Who Walks with Me

The world is quiet after storms,
Snow restores forgotten forms,
Steps I take are new yet old,
Carrying the heart I hold.

Cellos bloom with gentle tone,
Like a pathway made of bone,
Strong but tender, shaped by night,
Guiding me toward the light.

Now the winter sings my name,
Nothing left of fear or shame.

I walk softer than before,
Not because I fear the war,
But because I know the cost
Of the self I almost lost.

I have learned a deeper sight,
Seen the world through inner night,
Found the child who hid below,
Now they rise with me, aglow.

Every whisper, every scar,
Made me who and what we are,
Not a wound that must be healed,
But a truth no fear can shield.

With the monster reconciled,
I can walk again as child,
Standing tall, yet loose and free,
Soft with my humanity.

Let the world see who I am,
Born from shadow, flame, and calm.

I will speak with gentler breath,
Choose connection over death,
Hold my heart in open hands,
Understand what love demands.

From the keep I step in peace,
Let the endless striving cease,
Walking with the child inside—
No more need to run or hide.

In the world I stand renewed,
Soft in strength and gratitude.

09 – The Heart We Once Were

We have carried stone on stone,
Silent burdens all our own,
Shame like winter in our chest,
Guilt that never came to rest.

Cellos breathe beneath the hymn,
Soft and deep, on winter’s rim,
Calling gently through the ache,
Teaching wounds to bend, not break.

Let the fear fall to the ground,
Hear the love in quiet sound.

Every doubt we ever learned,
Every truth for which we burned,
All the shadows we forgave,
Made us stronger, made us brave.

We are more than past mistakes,
More than nights our spirit breaks,
Light returns to every soul
When we dare to make it whole.

Children show us what is true—
Joy without a reason due,
Hearts that open without fear,
Giving love just by being here.

Every wound becomes a star,
Healing who we really are.

Let the bitterness release,
Let the restless spirit cease,
Hold the child you used to be,
Let their wonder set you free.

We can rise beyond the night,
Strip the shame and step to light,
With forgiveness as our flame,
And a heart no hurt can tame.

Love is born where burdens end,
Open arms to self and friend.
In the child inside we see
All we’re meant, and meant to be.

10 – We are chasing the fire we knew as children

Verse 1
Every year we dress the world in gold,
hoping the glow can heal what’s old.
Shops shine bright like a promise made,
trying to pull us back to yesterday.

Pre-Chorus
But underneath the lights we feel the same —
a quiet longing we can’t quite name.

Chorus
We’re chasing the fire that we knew as children,
that innocent spark in the silent snow.
We’re holding the dream that the world feels gentle,
that hearts can soften, that peace can grow.
We walk through the noise and the decorations,
searching for something to make us whole.

Verse 2
Ancient tales and winter rites combine,
old gods, new songs, tangled in a line.
We carry the weight of a thousand years,
woven through laughter and hidden tears.

Pre-Chorus
And every custom we keep alive
is just a map of how we survive.

Bridge
Maybe the truth is simple still —
we long for rest, for a quiet will.
We look through the eyes of the ones who follow,
hoping their wonder can fill our hollow.

Final Chorus
We’re chasing the fire that we knew as children,
that innocent spark in the silent snow.
We’re holding the dream that the world feels gentle,
that hearts can soften, that peace can grow.
In all of the lights and the expectations,
we’re reaching for harmony in our soul.

11 – After the Winter, I Remain

Winter’s breath has left my chest,
All the shadows laid to rest,
Every echo, every ache,
Falls away like melting flake.

Cellos hum with gentle grace,
Like the earth in warm embrace,
Steady, slow, serene and kind,
Holding heart and quiet mind.

Through the storms I learned to stay,
Through the dark I found my way.

I am softer than before,
But I’m stronger at the core,
Not from armor or from fight,
But from learning how to light—

All the corners of my soul,
Pieces broken, now made whole,
Not by force or lonely pride,
But by letting truth reside.

I no longer fear the night,
Nor the trembling of the fight,
For the monster deep within
Walks beside me as my kin.

Love returns in quiet ways,
In the smallest living praise,
In the breath I choose to take,
In the peace I dare to make.

Here I stand, in open air,
Carrying the self I bear.

And whatever comes to be,
I will walk it honestly,
With the child who walks with me,
With the strength of vulnerability.

Winter fades, but I remain—
Gentle-hearted through the pain,
Choosing life and choosing grace,
Meeting shadows face to face.

After winter, I remain.

12 – Little Voice Beneath the Snow

I was waiting in the cold,
In the dark where shadows hold,
Tiny heart without a sound,
Buried deep beneath the ground.

I could hear you cry above,
Wishing you could feel my love.

You were hurting every day,
Lost in storms that wouldn’t sway,
Fearing all the broken years,
Running from your deepest fears.

But I watched you from below,
Hoping somehow you would know,
I was never meant to harm,
Only waiting for your arm.

When you trembled, when you screamed,
When your future tore its seams,
I was calling through the stone,
Begging not to be alone.

Every tear you tried to hide,
Echoed softly by my side,
Every time you cursed your name,
I was whispering, “Not your blame.”

I was scared you’d never see,
That the monster… wasn’t me.

I was just your younger soul,
Broken once, but still made whole,
Waiting for the day you’d come,
Take my hand and call me home.

When you opened up the door,
Light spilled gently on the floor,
And you held me, soft and tight,
In the heart of endless night.

All the darkness fell away,
Because you chose to see me stay.

Now we walk the world as one,
Shadowed child and grown-up done,
No more fear of what we keep,
No more dungeons cold and deep.

I am safe within your chest,
I am loved and I can rest,
You have given me a name—
I am light and not your shame.

I am here, and I am free,
Thank you for returning… me.